


When Life gives you lemon lembas...

by Paragosm



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Crack, F/M, Galadrial is a wine mom with a baking problem, Lembas, pls don't take this seriously, so much crack, what happens when I eat banana bread and get on discord
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-10-01 21:56:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20417846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paragosm/pseuds/Paragosm
Summary: Galadrial has a baking problem, and Elrond has a meltdown.





	When Life gives you lemon lembas...

Amid the clapping of the guests, Celebrían and Elrond descended from the dias, smiles on their faces. Laughter and congratulations, toasts and blessings, rang about the hall. After a great feast, a good deal more toasts, and some dancing, the guests started to calm down, and gifts were given. The happy couple accepted each one, promising to look at them as soon as they got back to their rooms for the night. 

After everything was said and done, Galadrial made her way over, slightly tipsy on the wine, and elbowed Elrond. "My present is in your rooms, darrrlin'" she said, as Elrond rubbed his side, "was too big, had it brought directly to them. Bye bye, have fun now!" She said with a wave before he had a chance to respond, stumbling off to Celeborn, who was clearly trying to find her. Elrond stared after her, the fruity scented cloud moving off. He shook his head, having not quite aware of his new mother-in-law's drinking habits, but continued on, hand in hand with his wife, who merely giggled at his reaction, however slight it was.

They made it back, Celebrían groaning as she saw the gift her mother had mentioned. "What?" Erland questioned. "It's just an armoire, and a rather intricate one at that." As he reached out to open it, Celebrían attempted to warn him of the potential danger, having seen her mother busy in the kitchens the other day, but, "What in--!" Elrond's exclamation cut off as piles upon piles of mallorn leaf wrapped lembas tumbled out. 

After the flood of baked goods stopped, the silver-haired daughter of the culprit stood still for a few seconds, then attempted to dig out her husband. Attempted, because unburying one's spouse from a pastry pile was proving to be rather difficult while laughing so hard her ribs were bruising. "I- I did-" her breathless laughter made getting out words difficult "try to warn you!" 

He sputtered as he emerged from the catastrophic cake collection. "What on Arda is this?! Celebrían?!" She managed to get her laughter down to a wheeze. "Oh, oh, it's Naneth's extra lembas, oh dear, it's a mess!" He blinked. "This is all...extra baked goods?" She nodded, giving him a hand up with a few wheezes. He looked around, and sighed. "We should probably clean all these up." He started picking them up. "Why would she give them to us?" Celebrían sighed. "You were the only one unaware of her pastry problems. She wanted to dump the spares on you, although this might be enough for all of Imladris to eat for awhile. And it'll probably help to sort them by flavor, Elrond."

"Oh I don't know about that, the Captain can put away a lot--did you say flavor?""Yes, dearest. What, were you unaware of all the varieties?""I thought there was just one kind..." he trailed off, staring at the confections strewn like confetti over the floor in a new light now that he knew that any amount of flavors could be there to sort.

"Oh, there was, until Naneth got bored of helping Melian make the same ones day in and day out." Celebrían said. "There are lemon ones, banana ones, orange ones, chocolate ones, raisin ones, oatmeal raisin ones, ones with all sorts of nuts, ones with spices, ones with fruits, combinations, there are plenty of them. And it appears" she checked the dots of paint on the leaves, stacking banana lembas on the dresser "we have at least 3 dozen of each." 

He wilted, then started sorting. 'If I can perform battlefield medicine during a seven year siege, I can clean up these lembas.' He thought, putting his back into it.

He couldn't.

The sun rose as they fell asleep on the floor, surrounded by stacks upon stacks of precariously piled pastries and more yet to be sorted. Not exactly how he had planned his wedding night to go.

************

After an uneventful return to Imladris, Elrond groaned. On the return trip, they had taken advantage of the generous gift Galadrial had gifted, and had eaten the lembas near exclusively. During the journey, however, they had gotten mixed up. Again. Fortunately, this time around he could enlist the help of his Cheif Counselor, his Captain, and his personal assistant, all of whom would likely be willing to help.

(One may have asked him why he did not just have them taken to the kitchens and have been done with it. The answer is, it slipped his mind, as he would say whenever this was asked in the future when the tale was told.)

Anyway, he had them put in a massive mound on a covered walk way. He called the three who he had chosen to help with the sorting, and they appeared, Lindir scurrying around the corner first. The lithe young ellon stopped in his tracks as he stared at the baked-goods mountain. He stared at his Lord, then Mt. Lembas, and back."There were more." Elrond stated tiredly. Lindir opened and closed his mouth, still flabbergasted at the pile, nearly taller then his Lord and taller then himself. "We had to borrow nine horses to get them back." Elrond stated, still in a exhausted monotone. 

After finding his voice, he asked "What is it you require of me, my Lord Elrond?" Elrond tiredly said "first, a large cup of tea." Lindir nodded. "On second thought, Lindir, have the tea spiked with miruvor. I believe I need it." Lindir nodded again, slowly backing out the door then sprinting down the halls.

Glorfindel and Erestor caught sight of him tearing off, chuckling as they went inside. Their banter was halted as they came face to face with Mt. Lembas and Imladris' exhausted and by this point semi-delirious Lord. "I need help sorting these. Brían is sleeping. Lindir is fetching me tea."   
The two recruits exchanged glances. Erestor opened up his mouth to ask why they were the ones requested, but Glorfindel gestured for him to be quiet. "Of course, my Lord." The golden haired warrior said. "What, exactly, are we sorting, Lord Elrond?" Erestor intoned calmly. Elrond gestured at the pile. "Lembas." Again the two exchanged glances. Lindir speed walked back in, handing off the canteen of spiked tea to Elrond, who took it, took a few gulps, and capped it back up.   
"Right. Let's get started." He said. 

**************  
Hours later, and the lembas were sorted and the story behind them dragged out of Elrond, who about half-way through had curled up in the fetal position on the floor and started crying from all the stress he'd been through, Mt. Lembas and the sorting of it being the straw that broke the camel's back.

Glorfindel had put him on a bench while they continued, murmuring to each other. In the end, it was midnight and Glorfindel bade them goodnight after taking an armful, presumably for himself. Erestor left with a single lemon lembas, muttering about a raise, and would send servants to get the now organized stacks. Lindir stayed with his Lord until morning, falling asleep soon after the others left. 

When morning came, Celebrían stumbled upon the pair by complete chance, Glorfindel's cloak still employed as a pillow by her resting husband, as she was walking about.   
Later, it would become a regular story, the kind told around fires late at night at the most embarrassing moments. The first time the twins were introduced to it, their grandnaneth had sent them their favorite flavors for their 20th begetting days. Glorfindel sat down near them, and asked "Young ones, would you like to hear about the time your grandnaneth gave a mountain of lembas to your ada, and we had to help sort them, and some of the things he said?" Erestor shot a glare at him, just as Elrond said "No! Don't you dare!" Leading to room shaking laughter.

(The twins did get to hear the story, later)


End file.
